New Year

Tomorrow will be a new year. Tonight I go to a murder mystery theater with friends. I expect to have a good time. New years seem to give you an opportunity to make new and better choices. But you have the capability to do that all the time. Like my Weight Watchers thing. I can lose weight if I choose. I can stay in my Bible more if I choose. It's hard, this discipline. The word diet actually comes from the words "day by day." That's what it is: a day by day struggle. To be joyful, to be hard on yourself physically,to be hard on yourself spiritually so you don't get spiritually fat and lazy. Lucky for me, I'm a Christian. I have God's help. Not so easy if you aren't. Not so easy even if you do. Just saying.

Christmas Spirit

I'm beginning to get the Christmas spirit. OK, maybe just a little. It's fun to buy presents, no matter how cheap and bags from the dollar store. A lady in line behind me gave me her Mary Kay card. Do I look like I need more layers of makeup? Maybe. Anyway, I'm about done shopping. That's a big relief. I told the grandkids not as big a Christmas this year, last year was the Wii, so I'm done. I'm also retired now.
God has really been blessing me financially. I attribute it to tithing on the gross, something I never thought to do before. Cool! Just got an extra check today, out of nowhere. Love it!
My problem was, I slipped a little in my faith last week, worrying about money. Then I regrouped and trusted Him. He is so faithful!
Going to the jail on Christmas, then to a movie. It'll be OK. It's not about me anyway; it's about Jesus' birthday. What do I do for Him? As Pastor Matt says, introduce Him to somebody.

I Love Jail

I really do. Not that I want to be incarcerated. Far from it! But the Bible study was so good today! We couldn't get in at first because they were fixing the electrical system that controlled the doors. Got to talk to 3 inmates from another section while I was waiting. Denise said Satan was trying to prevent her from going today, glad she came. She really laid out the Word! We did 1 John 5 about keeping God's commandments. She had each lady say what area was giving her trouble in trying to stay righteous. Then we had them write down prayer requests. The new believer is having trouble with people getting on her nerves, not a surprise! The time went by so fast, they had to kick us out to give the ladies lunch.
Then we had lunch in the staff cafeteria, paid by Denise. Very good food. The cook says she only makes what she would eat herself. The Golden Rule if I ever heard it.
Tonight I go to dinner at 3n1 for volunteers. Too much food for somebody on Weight Watchers! But it's all good.

Danny's Birthday

It was a rainy Wednesday morning in Guilderland, N.Y. I was having severe labor pains so we got in the car after Jerry put out the trash, almost went through a few red lights. 24 hours later it was snowing. At 5:51 a.m. on Thursday, I gave birth to a golden baby (jaundice). He was a joy for the next 36 years of his life. There were some speedbumps along the way, but nobody's perfect, even the golden boy.
Today I celebrated his birthday by bringing food to the Union Mission warehouse and helping to pack food and toys for needy families, something he would have engaged in himself, had he lived.
I love the fact that even though he was an only child for 9 years until we adopted Sherri and he was very smart and gifted, he gained the gift of loving people unconditionally in Louisville, Kentucky. It was that lesson of love and acceptance without judgment, that Jesus taught him finally. It's easy to think you're better than others and be impatient with their faults if you are so favored by God with good looks, strength and intelligence. Living with Sherri taught him patience and endurance, acceptance. But the lesson wasn't complete until years later, in Kentucky. That's basically all God wants is for us to love each other the way He loves us.
So Happy Birthday, Danny, in Heaven.

Giving Thanks

Another post out into the ether. Today I was invited to a friend's house for Thanksgiving. Thank God there were no Edgar Cayce advocates there, like last year. Halleluiah! Almost all Christians. The food was good, the conversation was enlightening and I felt very grateful to be there. I'm getting better about holidays. They don't suck as much as they used to in the early grieving days, but still a little hard to have no nuclear family in November and December--holiday months.
I try to keep my eyes on the prize of my calling in Jesus most of the time. It focuses me away from the pain and gives me a sense of doing something of value. Like tomorrow, when I go to the jail again and do a lesson on 1 John 3 and 4. That will be cool! No matter how it turns out, I love going over the Word with the ladies.

I Almost Cut My Hair

Well,not really, but that's after an old 70's song about loving yourself and being comfortable in your own skin. When my financial situation looked bleak and I took internally some sad things going on with my friends (which I should always turn over to the Lord, but don't)I was bummed yesterday. Walking always helps, so I took a walk in the beautiful day. I prayed, took some time in the Word, and asked the Lord to put me in a better mood today. Which I am. I rethought the financial thing and it will work out one way or another. About taking on sadness, I have enough of my own to take somebody else's, so I just prayed for them. That works.
Speaking of prayer, a weird thing--we are praying for Shirley Dobson because some "freedom" group is suing her for asking the President to join her in a National Day of Prayer! Has this country gone to the dogs, or what? We all need to pray and need prayer ourselves. They'll find out.

Confusion Denied

Went to jail again. 16 ladies turned out! One was a Muslim, who acted like she wasn't listening, but she was. Denise, with the power of spiritual discernment, at the end when we were going to close in prayer, said,"Who has confusion here?" Then the ladies started to tell on each other, how they were offended. Some asked for forgiveness,and when Denise prayed the closing prayer, the Spirit moved. We gave out Teacher Bibles (different helps in them) and Denise had one regular Bible left, gave it to the Muslim girl. I asked if I could hug her the girl. She took a hug.

Love was there in that rec area! The ladies are going to pray silently as a group at 8:00 each morning. The new convert was the first to get a new Bible. And I ran out of HW sheets! How cool that is!

Voting Day

Today I went and handed out fliers at the polls. You know, those sheets of paper you throw away as soon as you get into the voting place. I made some new friends and enjoyed a beautiful fall day.
It feels good to get involved with the electoral process, but it doesn't compare to the lady we led to the Lord in jail Friday. Night and day. I am so excited about seeing growth in the ladies in jail and sending them out when they are released to make new lives. I love expositing the Word of God and teaching where it really counts. I'm not a preacher, but just quietly explain the Word and they explain it to me, too. What a reward!

Praise Ye the Lord!

I decided to include a hymn/poem I wrote years ago in today's post. Here it is:

Without the Camp
Before in time, the bulls were brought
For sin,
Their blood was sprinkled where the debt
Had been.
Their bodies, burned without the camp,
Became consuming fire
To reconcile a holy God
And bring His heart's desire.

Then Jesus came, and on the cross
His blood
Was sprinkled freely, offered for
Our good,
His body, pierced without the camp,
Became our sacrifice
To reconcile a holy God
Who broke His heart for us.

Now let us go without the camp
To Him
Whose blood became a holy flame
Within.
It cleansed away all sin from us
And burned away the dross
To make us like a holy God
Who met us at the cross.
(Lev.4:21;Heb.1:13)

Just Left My Church

Just left my church. It was a hard thing to do, had to say goodbye last night to old friends and some new friends. But I had been praying for several months what to do. The Lord confirmed yesterday that "greater things than this" would be done so I'm waiting to see how He will use me in a different place. Right before Sherri died, I received that scripture, so I know greater things will happen. The Lord was so sweet to let me know that my letter to someone held a scripture that confirmed to her the plan the Lord had for her. The Holy Spirit is awesome! I got chill bumps when she told me about it.
We're all still the Body of Christ, no matter where we are physically and we'll see one another in heaven in the end. Halleluiah!

Friends

The value of friendship is often lost in the day-to-day shuffle. We run, run, run trying to get ahead, just juggle job and family, submersed in the mundane. Then we say, "I wonder what happened to so-and-so, a friend I used to have."
The thing is--you have to cultivate friendships to keep them alive. You think that your favorite person will be waiting for you after you are done with everything else, but it isn't so. When you finally get to a conversation, there is none of the dailyness you used to have. You're not up to speed on their current loves, problems, illnesses or political passions. You try to talk about what used to matter to the two of you, but the conversation falls flat.
Now there are some people so dear to you and close in spirit that you can pick up where you left off after years as if it were days, but those people are very rare.
So I remind myself, as I remind you, water your friendships with attention and they will keep blooming.
Now, excuse me, I have to go call an old friend.

Gratitude

It seems that a little cat has made me recognize the need for God and gratitude. Last night fatcat Zena was missing for 2 hours. She never stays out that late and I walked the neighborhood, calling for her, asking neighbors and nothing! Then when I had locked up for the night, there she was on the front step! I had pictured her flattened in the street(she isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer) but there she was. I thanked God many times for sparing her because she and her sister are my family. They live with me and keep my blood pressure down (usually).
We take things and family for granted until one day--they are missing. Lord, help me to live in the present and be grateful for all You have given me to make my life more enjoyable and meaningful.

Wrestling With God

Jacob did it. He ended up with a hobble. I'm done with part of my wrestling, made a decision. Now I just have to work out what I need to do to maintain my integrity--a hard job!
In working on my Bible lesson for prison this week, I came across a lot of mentions of idols. I know mine. You have your own, I'm sure. One of mine is being lonely for other people and not setting a limit in order to be with them. That is a hard one for me, the social butterfly. But I'm learning to do it, to make righteous choices. I just love the book of Isaiah! In between all the judgments that come down on Judah are the loving promises of God. I like to know that I am special, His beloved and that He knows my name! Cool!

Cold in The Mountains

We had a wonderful Apple Festival weekend at Graves Mountain Lodge. The best thing after the friendly people was the food. We enjoyed the vendors and what they were vending. Times tough for vendors now.
Didn't get to see but 2 family members, though. Winter arrived Sunday when we had to leave, so we got some sun and a very little folige color. But the sweep of mountains was awesome! So like heaven when we get there!
Here's a shout out to the blond lady from Maine who has 6 horses and her family. Enjoyed meeting you.
Saw the stuffed Halloween man Danny got his pic next to on one of his trips there. It was in his funeral collage. Felt Dan was there with me. Miss you, man!

The Rats in Ruckersville

That's what I'll be driving by on my way to vacation weekend. The rats in the dump in Ruckersville. I hear they're pretty big. Anyway, it's Apple Festival and a friend of mine and I will be enjoying life in the Blue Ridge this weekend. I hope the rain stops!

We hope to ride on a haywagon and eat a lot. See the foliage. Maybe ride horses, I don't know. We went walking on the Great Dismal Swamp bike trail and had to dodge the horse droppings of her friend Paul's horse. He had (I forget the horse's name now) attached to a buggy and was enjoying his newfound retirement. Seeing as how Paul's horse had broken his ankle a while back, maybe I won't ride. I've already had a horse roll over on me to itch its back in Guilderland, NY. I don't know.

Maybe I'll just do old lady things and watch the birds.

It's Good to Be the King (or Queen)

Starlog date, October 13. Just kidding. Anyway, it's great to be retired. Went to the River today to take back some books. Saw old friends, glad I'm not them in October during Spirit Week. It's good to be retired.

Tonight I go to see a Forum discussion at ODU. Even if it runs late, I can sleep in.Ha!Ha! I love it.

Seriously, it's good for the young'uns to start to run the show and me to start a new season in my life, doing the things I enjoy, like reading, sleeping,Prison Ministry and eating. It's good to be of use to people still, like doing this blog if anyone ever logs on. LOL

Is Columbus Day Obsolete?

So my old high school where I taught for 11 years doesn't have today off, so it's  not a holiday there. They're changing the name to Fall Day anyway so who cares that America was discovered in the name of God? I do, and I see our country slipping away. My mother, who was an Air Force nurse in WWII (the big one) would really freak out now to see what's going on, not to mention my ultraRepublican grandfather. Harvey Milk has an occurring holiday signed into law today. The world's upside down.But here I sit,ready to get together with some amazing Christians to do our thing in group  tonight, support each other, love each other and generally overeat. It feels good to be surrounded by God's love.

It's Sunday-- Let's Celebrate!

Lazy Saturday

Today is a lazy Saturday even though I've filled 5 bags with ivy and wisteria cuttings. Watching movies, writing letters to inmates, making new/old friends on Facebook.

Tonight we're having a ladies' night in--pizza and movies. It'll be fun. Old friends, and I mean longtime friends,not that any of us is old--ono! Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver the other gold, as the Scottish saying goes. Called my 99-year-old aunt today to thank her for the clipping of her being honored as the oldest member of her church. Love her memories of going to school in a sleigh when the snow got too high. And we complain about an inch of snow!

Fun in the Jail

Love Prison Ministry! Had a good word in Ephesians with the ladies. Denise, of course,being the teacher, me riding shotgun. So much growth in the ladies since Denise started with them. Laura is excited about the getting-out-of-jail component to help them ease back into society. I just want them saved.

I'm loving this retirement gig. So busy now I don't know what to do. Prison Ministry, Food Pantry, going out to eat with friends, sleeping in. It doesn't get any better than this.

My old friends, how are the 9th graders doing? LOL.

I haven't really hit my stride with writing the great American novel. Busy having too much fun! But soon, I'll begin again with book about teaching special ed. We'll see how that comes out.

I Am a Techie as well as a Trekkie now

Just started my facebook account. What a trip! Do I need to be rejected in 4 mediums? to quote Drew Barrymore in "He's Just Not That Into You."

Anyway, so here I am, sending links, about to add a pic to the profile. Amazing for an old grandma from the 20th century!

No sad songs today except that I made a pro/con list on whether to stay at Faith Alive. I still don't know. Like that play "Waiting for Godot," I'm waiting for God. Only in this case, He'd better show up sometime about a decision.

My son used to predict the outcome of football games on his blog. None of that here. I might predict whether the dollar will be turned into a Euro though. What do you think? No comments from anybody yet. It's like sending messages out into the ether, hoping somebody will respond. That's actually why I got online in the first place, to communicate with my daughter while she had cancer. She never got up online, not enough money.

Then when everybody died, I actually thought somewhere in the back of my mind that Dan or Jerry or Sherri would email me. I'm still waiting.

East Meets West

I promised a friend of mine that I would send her a copy of the eulogy that Danny's professor gave in September 2005. We were having a discussion about religion after she so sweetly found my name in her address book and thought to call me up. I, of course, think there is just one Jesus way to heaven and she doesn't, so I said Dan had written a paper comparing Lao Tze to Christianity. Did she want to read it? She said "yes." We knew each other's sons when they were darling little precocious boys in New York.

I went to the memory book Stephanie made me and copied the eulogy. In looking through the book a little bit, of course I started to cry. I found the poem I wrote for him and cried some more.

Here it is:

Combien aimes-tu maman? Comme ca? Comme ca? Comme ca!

Do you know how much I love you?
Love you still,
Though you lay in rocky ground
At the top of Knox hill.

I always had the feeling you just
Put up with me,
Your "quirky" mother,
After you had lost your first baby love
When you would hug my neck
And bring me stones and flowers.

You were the wise one,
Bringing me counsel
In place of posies.
In your wisdom,
Now that you know all things,
Do you know how much I love you?
Love you still.

The Trouble with Tribbles

This was cool and goes under the talking about grieving thing. I went to send some flowers to a friend who had just lost her father. I told Shawn the florist that I couldn't go to funerals anymore because my whole family was dead. So he started to laugh (I wasn't offended. We were having a great time kidding around) and said to his coworker, "She's banned from funerals now. She's had her quota of dead people." I thought that was pretty funny. Then I told him about Danny. Then I told him about Sherri and he got a sad look on his face and gave me a minimum free. I hugged him.

The Trouble with Tribbles

Tribbles are very creative. I hope I shall be the same. I will be posting poems, thoughts and complaints here. Also, some notes about my pathway of grieving the loss of my family.
Here's a poem I wrote after my husband died at 54. My whole family had a graveyard sense of humor. I still do:
Mr. Lally brought a dolly,
And came and rolled my heart away,
It seems funny now to see
A hole in the place where my heart
Used to be.

You'd think a person couldn't function
Without a heart to pump their blood,
It's amazing to discover
A thing that shouldn't happen could.

The Trouble with Tribbles

Well, you know what the trouble is with them. My trouble right now is trying to start this blog. As my third attempt, I'll make it short and come back later. (Going to watch Glenn Beck now.)